For The Things I Can Never Be

There are certain things I can never be.  Some of them are things I’ve wanted to achieve my whole life.  However, there are other achievements that will go unfulfilled.  I accept that.  In some cases, I embrace that realization. 

 
“Not for nuthing” is an expression that an old girlfriend of mine would mutter all too frequently.  “Not for nuthin, I did the best I could…”  “Not for nuthin, he thinks too much of himself…”  “Not for nuthin, he could never be you…!”  At the time, I wouldn’t think much of these utterances because they were made amidst unremarkable conversations.  Now that I look back, these observations are more meaningful.   

Not for nuthin, I would never try to be something I am not.  I will never be compared to someone who is calous.  I will never hate someone as much as I’ve been hated.  I will never premeditate a plan to harm or destroy someone’s livelihood.  I’m just not that guy. 

  
There are certain things I could never be.  I can never be THAT guy. I will never be the guy that “she” settled for.  I will never be a man who stays home all day (regardless of my ability). I will never be the guy who plays video games all night, and then rushes out the door (without a shower) to get to a job that’s not a career.  And I will never be the guy who abandons his children.  I’ll never be the deadbeat, the wife-beater, or the falenderer.  

Other things I’ll never be:

The drug addict

The gambler

The non-voter

The corrupt politician

The boss

  
I’ll never be overpaid, underworked, or an underachiever.  Nor will I be an overachiever, obsessive, compulsive, or oppositional (well maybe a little defiant).  

Not for nuthin, I will work harder to be a better:

Naturalist  

Risk-remover 

Advocate   
Lobbyist  

Leader  

I will overcome an excessive lack of trust (O.C.E.L.O.T). I will be the best I can be.  I will empower others to do the same–but only if that is their desire.  I will offer myself without demanding.  I will give without expecting.  And I will hold others to a standard no different my own.  I will abandon perfection but strive for excellence.  

  
There are somethings I will never be.  There are things I’ve decided long ago I can not, should not, or will not achieve.  Perhaps it’s a result of becoming a realist.  Or maybe it’s the realization that somethings aren’t worth having. 

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