There are certain things I can never be. Some of them are things I’ve wanted to achieve my whole life. However, there are other achievements that will go unfulfilled. I accept that. In some cases, I embrace that realization.
“Not for nuthing” is an expression that an old girlfriend of mine would mutter all too frequently. “Not for nuthin, I did the best I could…” “Not for nuthin, he thinks too much of himself…” “Not for nuthin, he could never be you…!” At the time, I wouldn’t think much of these utterances because they were made amidst unremarkable conversations. Now that I look back, these observations are more meaningful.
Not for nuthin, I would never try to be something I am not. I will never be compared to someone who is calous. I will never hate someone as much as I’ve been hated. I will never premeditate a plan to harm or destroy someone’s livelihood. I’m just not that guy.
There are certain things I could never be. I can never be THAT guy. I will never be the guy that “she” settled for. I will never be a man who stays home all day (regardless of my ability). I will never be the guy who plays video games all night, and then rushes out the door (without a shower) to get to a job that’s not a career. And I will never be the guy who abandons his children. I’ll never be the deadbeat, the wife-beater, or the falenderer.
Other things I’ll never be:
The drug addict
The corrupt politician
Not for nuthin, I will work harder to be a better:
I will overcome an excessive lack of trust (O.C.E.L.O.T). I will be the best I can be. I will empower others to do the same–but only if that is their desire. I will offer myself without demanding. I will give without expecting. And I will hold others to a standard no different my own. I will abandon perfection but strive for excellence.
There are somethings I will never be. There are things I’ve decided long ago I can not, should not, or will not achieve. Perhaps it’s a result of becoming a realist. Or maybe it’s the realization that somethings aren’t worth having.