Deuces 

I need to write about this RIGHT NOW!  I want to swallow it whole and choke on the rinds of this melon.  I’m taking it all in and counting back the months.  I’m applying what little I know to the experience and the anxiety and the mystery of what I’ve just come through.  

I’m piecing the remnants of conversations with the omissions.  What was not said; what wasn’t done; what was said in deception and withheld in deceit.   

I’m recalling the passionate moments that were regretted hours later.  The whispers of “yes” adjoined with the sudden “NO!”

The confusion and the worry and the wonder and the anticipation…all lost in a moment. The trust that was lost and the perception that it ever existed in the first place.  

This has happened before and I get to watch it unfold again. Now! 

But this time another man is in her midst.  Will she make the same claims to him that she made to me.  Will he accept her as she is with out the pomp and circumstance?

I was made to feel like a king. She did that.  I thought she was a maker of dreams. She convinced me that I was born a King.  For she was my Queen.  And she waited her whole life for ME.  No longer.  For that is no more.  Now she will be the Queen of another.  His talents and his endeavors, his quests and his ambition will win her over.  In fact, it already has. 


As she disembarks the plane, he will greet her with warmth. For he will immediately  recognize the sacrifice that she’s making for him.  She will speak never again of the sacrifices she once made for me.  She is ready to love again. 

He won’t ask. He will seize the moment. Taking her into his arms, he will whisper things she’s longed to hear.  And for him, she will belong…

Fairy tales always end with someone else living happily ever after.  And to truly love another is to want them to be happy no matter how the story ends.  

But how can it make sense when we see the scenario replay with new characters?  The role of me is being played by a celebrity?!?  And the role of the protagonist is still played by the woman who was once My leading lady???

I shouldn’t be watching; especially from 800 miles away.  I want to change the channel, but like a train wreck…

THAT’S AN AWFUL THING TO SAY!

How presumptuous (and mean-spirited) to conceive such a thought!

Not every two people who are put in the same room are meant to be together.  I’ve just so happened to be that guy who stays in the room with the wrong person for too long. 

And for a consecutive moment, I get to watch the one I thought I’d hold eternally…fall in love with another who is open-minded, open-hearted, and maybe even better designed to hold her heart. 

Damn!  Universe, is it your intention to mock me?  Is my purpose merely to hold a place in time so that the one(s) I love can prepare for their destiny?  Must I grow weary of each lover and release her to an unsuspecting fool?  Everytime this happens, a man completely opposite of me receives the prize.  Not to objectify, but the heart of another is truly a blessing.  

Cantaloupe.  Canteloop!  Can’t elope. 

I didn’t elope.  I was the bridegroom.  It’s an honor that many men never realize.  I’ve had my chance.  Now I will watch yet another man kneel down and propose to the one I once held.  She will say yes, and she will belong…

My place in all of this?  To hurt like I’ve hurt others.  To watch as others have watched me.  To cry, as others have cried.  It’s a cycle that MUST not be interfered with.  

I don’t believe in karma.  I believe in faith.  And my faith tells me that I never had a clue.  I trusted too much, but understood too little.  If it were not for faith, I’d have no understanding at all.  Tis Love!

Tonight is the night that love will be made.  

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