Where are you now?
I’m reminded of the view out my window just 36 months ago. I recall the physical position I was in and the literal position I’d put someone else in. I remember the act in which we were engaged, and how the view was very similar. I remember the act was very beautiful. I remember the denial (sans betrayal) of a sanctity that was an illusion.
I remember the long trip. I remember the journey towards familiarity and the arrival home. I remember the relationships created along the way as I delete them one…by…one.
It’s 5am. I’m not calling. There’s nothing left to say. I’ve deleted the contacts, removed the tags, archived the letters, and folded the dirty rags.
It wasn’t a lie. Now I know. The deception was not my own. The reflection was joint endeavor–a partnership. It was an illusion–a magic trick at best. But it’s been said that just because it’s magic doesn’t mean it’s not real.
It’s realness permeates my soul. My healing is in real time. It’s 5:30am.
This time my children sleep next to me. In a few hours, I’ll leave them behind as I go to facilitate change. In the fantasy we created, I would lead a reform movement. Now I realize that I am the reform. Before one can lead, one must learn to follow. There IS nobility in knowing who to follow.
Who will follow you? Not I. It wasn’t fun. Those who followed me; they all began to run. Leadership is not about quantifying the movement; it’s about qualifying the purpose. It’s about writing a goal down, making a plan, and taking action. A trifecta that was never fulfilled. ACTION…
Walking with purpose. Leading with pride? Preserving the dignity? Indiscretions un-hide.
What I saw then was a culmination of naiveness, trust, and a desire to be obedient. Now we have greater wisdom, descernment, and an understanding. Delayed obedience is disobedience.
I’m grateful for a forgiving God. For the God within myself is far more forgiving than the God in someone else.
The flowers never wilted because the flowers were not real. The dreams (given away with each compliment) could never be fulfilled. I have to laugh just a little as a smile comes across my face.
Everyone could see the truth except for the one in the mirror.
This guy was enticed by another dreamer’s armor. With its shininess and polished exterior, I was mesmerized. I could not see the chinks in the armor or the pushed-out dents. The evidence of previous battles was concealed.
No one else will be able to fully relate to my reflection. It’s clear that the only reflection we see in the mirror is our own. Is this why I keep fewer mirrors in my home? Do we avoid the reflection to escape the reality?
Or have we realized that even a mirror’s reflection is not real. In fact it is reversed.