Big Bait

My wants exceed my needs. My needs are fulfilled. My appreciation matches my energy. And I am frequently tired. My hooks are better than my books. My books are rarely read. Their covers speak to my dreams. But my dreams mirror who I could be (and not to I should be).

I ask questions to which there aren’t easy answers. The best questions have no answers. Some answers are introspective anyway. The liberating responses set us free (from ourselves and our inhibitions). Thank me later, but appreciate me now.

I want what I want when I want it…which roughly translates to me being spoiled. I’m so spoiled that I expect my entitlements to do my work for me. And yet I don’t have what I really want…my entitlement is limited, my privilege keeps me out jail (but not out of a morgue). My entitlements don’t actually work for me. I go to work daily (multiple jobs over the course of a week). My earnings don’t buy me peace—not even a piece of peace.

The things that I want come with a consequence. The things I pray for require more belief and less “hope” and more diligence from others than dedication from me. My disappointment is born of insufficiency. And if I actually get what I deserve, it’s because someone else wished it into fruition.

I’m wrong more than I’m right. I surrender this fact. I submit to defeat. I’m used to not knowing. I don’t sulk anymore. I can not be a victim when I’m disengaged from wrongdoings.

Generational curses have been extinguished. I get to make my own mistakes! Vices have been avoided, despite the fact I’ve bound myself in broken chains.

I wanted balance. I got progress. I wanted access. I gained limited exposure. I wanted opportunity. I earned a peak at greatness. Anything else will be grace. Anything more will be a blessing.

Rigorous honesty.


S.e.X Spiritual is the journey from sensible to sensuality. Emotion is the presence of things felt but not seen. X symbolizes the crossXroads between the two.

Our vices serve a purpose. They allow us to relinquish sensibilities. From the thriving parts to the pleasure points, the temporary euphoria shifts blood-flow.

Despite the importance of not being distracted, centuries of coping with the tabus of idolatry have led us to a point when s.E.x is all around us. Our music, our clothing, our interactions, and our dances exude our essential spirit, emotion, and crossroads between right and wrong. It is in what we do, not say, that defines our character. All else is merely a flirtation with the truth.

In many cases, we are lacking our S. Our spirituality flounders.

In our perceived incompleteness, we search for what is missing. We overlook those things that are not missing—those things that reveal our true identity. Instead, we deny that we are already complete in our current state.

Without the Spirituality & Emotion, there are only crossXroads.

We search for what drives us. But if we are driven by our search, isn’t it “the quest” that drives us. Certainly, if we ever found what we are searching for, we’d be driven to find more.

But without the crossXroads, we are Spiritual & Emotional

We often lose focus of our goal. We make smaller goals along the way. We are spiritually fed by something artificial. We are temporarily satisfied. Still completely incomplete, yet wanting more. Our hunger is satisfied, but now we thirst.

For unlawful carnal knowledge, flesh without wine upsets the digestion. Consumption with presumption causes constipation and discomfort. To sit upon one’s thrown, a thin king is not THINKING, but contemplating the power he holds.

No One Knowin’

At the risk of sounding redundant, no one knowin’ somethin’ knows as much about nuthin’ than anyone else.

The news changes from day to day. The circumstances don’t change as much as how the story is reported.

Last week, less than half of the adult population had received at least one dose of the Covid vaccination. The demand has stalled. Unused doses are spoiling. FEMA is shutting down its free clinics. Pharmacies are inviting the public to walk in without appointments. Everyone who wanted one got one!

What does this mean? This means that more than half of the adult population refuses to get the vaccination (thus far). Many have not disclosed their reason for waiting. Could it be mistrust? Reluctance? Fear? Lack of information? No matter what the reason, it will take a revelation to move them to change their position.

Now it’s time to offer the vaccination to children too. This will increase the number of people safe from the virus, right?

FDA approval to administer the vaccination to children will only marginally improve the statistics. Let’s just suppose that only half of the entire population has children under the age of 18. With only half of the population favoring inoculation, only half of all children will be vaccinated (if it’s not mandated). But if their parents have refused for themselves, they are not likely to allow their own children to be vaccinated. The data does not support meeting the goal of achieving herd immunity (70%). It would require ALL children to be vaccinated.

So the policy makers, scientists, doctors, and media makers must alter their approach. The conversation changes over a weekend. Incentives! Rewards! Open EVERYTHING (but still require masks)!

Within 72 hours, the nation reversed all of the safety mandates put in place over a year ago (except for mask mandates and social distancing). In the same newscast, reports of a record death toll in India has forced travel restrictions from Asia (again). Domestically, a 22% increase in juvenile infections can be linked to eased restrictions in schools. There are hints that the current inoculations may require annual boosters (which speaks to ineffectiveness of the initial inoculation).

For the sake of preserving national pastimes, proms and graduations may now be scheduled. Everything will resume in time for the 4th of July, nay even sooner! Memorial Day, the day we honor those who died for our country, will now be the day that the pandemic survivors can risk all that they fought so hard to preserve (said with mild cynicism).

The conversation changed just THAT quick. FREEDOM is offered up as the highest reward for months of restrictions, oppression, and imprisonment. Ironically, some of those who were incarcerated were set free while those who were already free were asked to lock themselves in their homes. FREEDOM (not death) is the ultimate sacrifice and FREEDOM (not death) is the ultimate reward.

American savings bonds were offered as incentives in the backcountry. Free beer coupons were offered “downtown” as rewards to anyone who has not yet decided to be vaccinated. Restaurants, movie theaters, and sporting events are suddenly available to celebrate our perceived victory from the pandemic. And everyone is invited! The vaccinated and the anti-vaxers, the quarantined and the asymptomatic, the survivors and the mourners; the safe and the vulnerable—can now all come together and rejoice! All anyone has to do to join in the fun is wear a mask and wash their hands.

It’s just a little suspect.

The cynics are repelled by the manipulation. It’s the manipulation—to do something (that half the population has deemed) essential to our collective survival—that has stalled progress. It’s cyclical. The manipulation fuels this mistrust. The failed policies have dissolved confidence. The dissolved confidence has resulted in the creative thinking. It’s the lack of effective arguments that has spawned the manipulation.

We don’t know how the next weeks will turn out. One thing is certain. Those who haven’t been vaccinated will not be moved by incentives, promises of unrestricted movement, or sudden changes in “effectiveness.” The same level of emotion and caution at the beginning of the pandemic is preventing a happy ending.

We are witnessing a battle between mankind and nature. Are we so arrogant to think that mankind will continuously pervert nature (they way mankind manipulates itself) and expect positive results? A natural declination to accept potentially dangerous implications is in fact mankind emulating nature. Sadly even adaptation and intuition can not ensure that evolution will occur. The forces of nature will prevail.

No one knowin’ somethin’ knows as much about nuthin’ than anyone else.