Big Bait

My wants exceed my needs. My needs are fulfilled. My appreciation matches my energy. And I am frequently tired. My hooks are better than my books. My books are rarely read. Their covers speak to my dreams. But my dreams mirror who I could be (and not to I should be).

I ask questions to which there aren’t easy answers. The best questions have no answers. Some answers are introspective anyway. The liberating responses set us free (from ourselves and our inhibitions). Thank me later, but appreciate me now.

I want what I want when I want it…which roughly translates to me being spoiled. I’m so spoiled that I expect my entitlements to do my work for me. And yet I don’t have what I really want…my entitlement is limited, my privilege keeps me out jail (but not out of a morgue). My entitlements don’t actually work for me. I go to work daily (multiple jobs over the course of a week). My earnings don’t buy me peace—not even a piece of peace.

The things that I want come with a consequence. The things I pray for require more belief and less “hope” and more diligence from others than dedication from me. My disappointment is born of insufficiency. And if I actually get what I deserve, it’s because someone else wished it into fruition.

I’m wrong more than I’m right. I surrender this fact. I submit to defeat. I’m used to not knowing. I don’t sulk anymore. I can not be a victim when I’m disengaged from wrongdoings.

Generational curses have been extinguished. I get to make my own mistakes! Vices have been avoided, despite the fact I’ve bound myself in broken chains.

I wanted balance. I got progress. I wanted access. I gained limited exposure. I wanted opportunity. I earned a peak at greatness. Anything else will be grace. Anything more will be a blessing.

Rigorous honesty.

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