I can no longer hold myself accountable for not living up to the imagine you envisioned (for me). It took too long for me to realize who I truly was (or who I had the potential to be), and that it had less to do with me and more to do with you. Taking back my life affirms that it was always my life. I was leasing you space in my head. And to fully embrace this analogy; I will never again lease space to anyone who can’t afford to pay the full price. I took all the risk. I made all of the investment. And yet reaped none of the reward.
Oh that little peace of attention, that flavor you added to my ego? Tasteless really. Empty calories. I enjoyed the pursuit about as much as…
As much as…you enjoyed the lies you told yourself…and the embellishments you told about me. It doesn’t matter really. The distance between us allows my memory to fade. Sleepless nights are less sleepless. Any semblance of pain is dull now.
Not my pain! I have none! I’m not hurt by the circumstances. Just disappointed in how it played out. Just surprised at how long I invested trust in situations that hadn’t earned my devotion.
As important as integrity is to me, I can’t believe how easily I let you rob me of my dignity. I can’t believe how gullible I was. And from my perspective it was never about you. It was about me! I fell short of what you wanted—not what I wanted. Because I never envisioned anything greater than a few moments.
When I walk by a mirror now, I see my life without you. I see the old me. I see the new me. I see the “evolved” me.
Seven years is a long time. Eight years is even longer. Good bye hair.
msktb 